To give and not to count the cost
By this time last year, I had lost count of the people who questioned me about the Christmas traditions I was looking forward to sharing with Frida. She is my only child and was just four-months-old at the time. So, I didn’t share (until now) that I spent most of Christmas day sleeping on the couch next to a bare tree. We decorated three days after Christmas and left up our outdoor lights until Ash Wednesday.
Whether you are feeling sorry for me or feeling seen, I must tell you this year is already different. Frida turns sixteen-months-old today. She’s curious, imaginative, and aware. And I am different too. I am once again interested, creative, and awake.
Last Sunday, I held Frida as I carefully lit the first candle in our Advent wreath. We sat together at the table and played with stickers on one Advent calendar and shared a piece of chocolate from another. Then she opened one of the books neatly wrapped next to the wreath and calendars. One for each day of the season: they aren’t new, but the gift wrap and surprise factor make reading time extra special.
Years ago, while teaching at a Jesuit high school, I hung a poster in my classroom with the “Prayer for Generosity” by St. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits. It begins, “Lord, teach me to be generous. Teach me to serve you as you deserve. To give and not to count the cost…” I prayed those words with my students every hour of the school day for six years.
The prayer is perfect for a school whose motto is “Men and Women for Others.” Likely inspired by today’s Gospel, it’s also fitting for today’s Memorial of Saint Nicholas whose generosity has become legendary in the festive form of Santa Claus. And of course, generosity is synonymous with Catholic Charities across the country.
This season usually inspires generosity towards our family and friends. And it can be an extra busy time of year for giving at our agencies too. But since family dynamics can be stressful and vicarious trauma from sharing the weight of clients’ burdens is real, it might take an extra bit of encouragement for us to remember to be generous with ourselves.
So here you go: let’s give ourselves the same grace, compassion, and patience we strive to give those we love and those we serve each day.
And remember, I had Christmas lights up until Lent last year. So, you’re doing okay. In fact, you’re wonderful.
Marissa Flores Madden is a Department of Justice Accredited Representative and the Director of Family Immigration Services at Catholic Charities of Central and Northern Missouri.